dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
