Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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