Pappa wants mamma naked
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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