I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
