Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
