My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
