I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
