You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
third nipple confirmed
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
