im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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