The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
