I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
