Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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