you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
