no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
