My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
