i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I want to walk on stilts...naked
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
