Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
