I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
