If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
