the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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