you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
