I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I made him laugh his dick is mine
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
