maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
