i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
