i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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