Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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