i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
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youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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