Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
