I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize