I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
