some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
