Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
