I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
NoShamevember. You game?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
