Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
