I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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