i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
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Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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