You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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