Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize