legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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