she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
