He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Acid is not a monday night drug
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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