dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
