How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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