Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
