You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Enjoy the penises
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
