so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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