Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
