i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You were trust falling into bushes
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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