How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
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Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
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Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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