i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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