Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
