yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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