Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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