We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
