guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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