half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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