How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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