i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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