she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
