I hope mine doesn't look like that
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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