How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
