He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
