he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
