Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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