I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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