If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
