discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
