Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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